Seventh: Work on being less defensive
As mentioned above, successful relationships focus on the bigger picture. They thrive by not discussing things defensively. With that in mind, you need to learn not to speak defensively.
Here's how you can do it:
- Use for observations "I" Statements and avoid "always" and "never". If your partner has trouble cleaning up after themselves, say "I noticed that the place was not cleaned." That is better than "You always leave a mess."
- You can also bring in emotions. Tell your partner how you felt about their actions or inactivity.
- Finally, make specific requests and not constant criticism. For example "Can you put your phone away when you speak to me?" Is better than "You never listen to me!"
Finally, you commit to the process
The final step is to commit yourself to both the process and the person. Relationships are in the works all the time, so it's not just about fixing yourself to the person in front of you and leaving it at that.
It is important that you commit to the process and are ready to work together. With this in mind, it's important to remember that people can change over time. Not that we should force people to change, but being with people and developing habits can affect other people's lives.
Every action creates a wave effect for other people. Therefore, it is important that we stay in a reasonable relationship.