One of the biggest relationship questions people ask is "Am I with the right person?" It's a big question that comes up in a relationship at some point and takes different forms.
"Will that take?"
"Do I calm down?"
"Is one person enough for a living?"
Regardless of how you put this question in your head, everything points back to one thing: engagement problems.
We get it though. Committing yourself to someone's life is not an easy decision. It's scary, daunting, and terrifying. In 2018, a study by eHarmony One of the three main reasons why millennials struggle with engagement are:
- Uncertainty whether the partner is right for you.
- Fear of opening up and getting hurt.
- Lack of confidence in their ability to maintain a relationship.
Regardless of your age, these insecurities, fears and fears plague people, young and old, male or female. Men fear more than women to find engagement because of the potential "better" Options later.
Why undertake now when "the one" could be just around the corner? It is clearly a game of chance that men are ready for. Combine this with men's natural instinct to withdraw, and you can see some of the reasons why men struggle to get involved more than women.
Women, on the other hand, are persecutors. They criticize or find mistakes in people to avoid conflicts. You find logical reasons not to commit, that's what we mean. But it is this particular trait that women have that makes engagement such a challenging part of a relationship.
To help you do this, here are a few steps to take to help you overcome engagement fears.
First, take responsibility
You won't get anywhere unless you take responsibility. To do this, it is important that you differentiate between fear of relationships and your own intuition.
Looking at your fear of being with the wrong person can be either an omen or an intuition. If you hold the belief that you can deal with another person better, you could twist your thoughts and words so that you can get out of responsibility.
Instead, look at the root of your questions. If you find bugs, ask yourself why you notice them about anything else. Are you wondering whether your partner is good, attractive, smart or funny enough for you? Because that's a better question than "Am I enough?"
The key is to see your doubts as an opportunity to ask questions. Doubts raise red flags, but it is worth addressing them, as they cause us to doubt relationships with other people.
Second, redefine monogamy
In relationships, it's important to define words and boundaries. They set the tone for the relationship and help you determine if the person is right for you. Another thing we would recommend is going back and redefining some things.
In particular: monogamy.
Consider this definition of monogamy: a really deep dedication to what each of you is.
We suggest this because those who believe there is more to discover about themselves with their partner are happier than those who lose interest in their partner.
This is useful if you consider the needs of a relationship. If the needs are not met, we look elsewhere to meet those needs. Therefore, it is important that we look for ways to bring people closer to us when the needs are not met.
Third, you set realistic expectations
As mentioned above, it is important to set limits and to discuss them. Expectations follow the same thing. Of course, expectations can and should change over time. A choir doesn't have to sing a single song to thrive.
Still, people will have insecurities and debate decisions. The key to remember is that while our expectations change, it doesn't mean that something is wrong with the relationship. Discuss things and control the relationship. You two are at the helm.